Relationship counselling in Eastbourne and online
Are you struggling in a relationship, trying to understand why the same patterns keep repeating, or wondering what you actually want from the relationships in your life? You might be dealing with a romantic relationship, dating, a break-up, betrayal, family, friendship or a difficult relationship at work. You may be trying to decide whether something needs to change - or simply trying to understand why it affects you so much.
I'm Nicki Wakefield, the integrative counsellor and psychotherapist based in Eastbourne. Relationships are an area I care about deeply, both because of what I've learned from my own and because I find the ways we relate to one another endlessly interesting.
Why relationships matter to me
Relationships have been one of the richest sources of learning in my own life. I've learned from relationships that have been enormously positive, as well as from those that have been difficult, unhealthy or one-sided. They've taught me about trust, communication, boundaries, what I need in a relationship and, perhaps most importantly, about myself.
It's also a subject I'm genuinely fascinated by. Although I work with individuals rather than couples, understanding what happens between people is an important part of how I think about relationship work.
That combination of personal experience and curiosity is one reason I particularly value relationship work.
How we might work with relationship difficulties
Relationship counselling and therapy can involve both understanding and change. We might explore why certain difficulties keep happening and what you feel or experience when they do, while also considering what you might want to do differently - perhaps communicating differently, setting a boundary, tolerating uncertainty or becoming clearer about what you need.
What might bring you to relationship counselling?
Finding or sustaining a relationship
Do you want a relationship but find it difficult to meet the right person or build something that lasts? Perhaps you keep finding yourself in similar kinds of relationships, or promising relationships seem to become difficult in the same ways.
When a relationship isn't working
Have conversations started going round in circles? Do you feel distant, unheard or uncertain about whether the relationship can change? You may be trying to understand what is happening before deciding whether to stay, leave or do something differently.
When trust has been broken
Whether you have been hurt by a betrayal or are trying to understand your own actions, a breach of trust can bring anger, grief, guilt, shame, anxiety and confusion. Counselling can give you somewhere to make sense of what has happened, what contributed to it and what it means for you, without assuming what you should do next.
When it feels one-sided or uncertain
Do you often feel as though you care more, give more or need more reassurance than the other person? Does distance or inconsistency leave you anxious and second-guessing where you stand? We can explore what is happening in the relationship, why it affects you as it does and what you might need.
When things are okay, but could be better
Relationship counselling isn't only for crisis. You may want to communicate more openly, feel closer to someone, improve intimacy, understand what's happening between you or think about how you want to show up in the relationship.
After a relationship ends
The end of a relationship can bring grief, anger, relief, loneliness or uncertainty about what comes next. You might be trying to make sense of what happened, struggling to let go, or wondering what you want to take from the experience into future relationships.
Family, friends and work
Not all relationship difficulties involve a partner. Boundaries, feeling responsible for others, conflict, rejection or familiar roles can appear with parents, adult children, siblings, friends and colleagues too.
Working with the individual, not prescribing the relationship
I work with individual adults rather than couples. My role isn't to save a relationship or persuade you to leave one.
We can explore what is happening, what you feel, what you need, what is within your control and what kind of relationship - or life - feels right for you.